I was trying to influence a situation outside my control by staying awake. I could not prevent my wife’s heart from suddenly stopping in the night. That was outside my control, and laying awake trying to regulate something I couldn’t wasn’t doing my wife or myself any good.

My wife’s newly discovered heart condition was what it was. That was the reality of the situation. Reality does not need, nor does it want our approval. It simply is what it is, and no amount of desire to change it will have any effect.

We make ourselves miserable when we struggle against reality. Saying, “It shouldn’t be like this,” doesn’t change the fact that this is how it is. Reality does not need, nor does it want our consent. Struggling against reality is how we misinterpret situations and produce our own suffering. Rather than judging reality, we need to learn to accept it. Acceptance does not mean we need to like or agree with it, but we do need to recognize that this is the way the world is.

Read more on Medium.

Written by External Article
Everyone is talking about caregiving, but it can still be difficult to find meaningful information and real stories that go deep. We read (and listen to and watch and look at) the best content about caregiving and bring you a curated selection. Have a great story about caregiving? Use our contact form to submit it to us so we can share it with the community!

Related Articles

Popular categories

After Caregiving
Finding Meaning
Finding Support

Don't see what you're looking for? Search the library

Share your thoughts


Share your thoughts and experiences

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Join our communities

Whenever you want to talk, there’s always someone up in one of our Facebook communities.

These private Facebook groups are a space for support and encouragement — or getting it off your chest.

Join our newsletter

Thoughts on care work from Cori, our director, that hit your inbox each Monday morning (more-or-less).

There are no grand solutions, but there are countless little ways to make our lives better.

Share your insights

Caregivers have wisdom and experience to share. Researchers, product developers, and members of the media are eager to understand the nature of care work and make a difference.

We have a group specifically to connect you so we can bring about change.