For twenty years I’ve devoted myself to my family. Everything I do I do for them.

Everything has changed this year. My loved one’s mental illness, and ways of coping, have gone out of control. I cannot control this. I can help, I can guide, but I cannot force. I pray to the Lord to give him comfort. To comfort me. It is in His hands. God gives me comfort because I seek it.

I didn’t think I could go on after seeing my family scatter to the winds, but I have. Day after day, the Lord gives me the strength to go on. I stay to support my loved one. It’s my duty, despite or because of his illness. It worries me to watch him embrace his illness, allow it to enable the worst of his base instincts. But I also know this is all part of the Lord’s plan. I need to do what I can to keep people safe and simply trust Him.

What do you do when illness makes someone a different person? When you cannot see who they used to be? I turn to the Lord. The loving days of my family are gone. He has healed my heart and taken away my pain. He’s given me a purpose, even if it isn’t the path I would have chosen for myself. I trust Him, day by day.

The person I love is gone, I fear. But he waits for me in Heaven. And I will be with him, on Earth and in Heaven. I have Faith that my family will be restored, so long as I keep my faith. My faith keeps us tied together, eternally.

P.M.