Couple in love holding hands with coffee on white wooden table. Photograph taken from above, top view with copy space

The question was what my life was a year ago, but what I want to know so badly is what my life will be like a year from now.

My husband and I got married without really understanding what that meant. I want to say it was because we were too young to know any better, but we weren’t. We’d waited too long to get married to know how to live with someone anymore, be partners in the way you need to be for a marriage. We’d built our own lives and we didn’t want to give that up.

We fell in love, got married, and then started to grow apart. We’re too independent. Too stubborn. Why did we do this, anyway?

We were just starting to figure it out, how this marriage thing works, when my mom ended up in the hospital. It pulled my husband and I back together.

He was there for me, for us, night after night. We were closer than we’d been in months. We’d stay up late talking. It pushed us to think about — talk about — what mattered to us.

Neither of us said it. Neither of us probably even thought about it at all. But we assumed, without thinking, that my mom would get better. Or she wouldn’t and she’d die. But we never thought she’d just stay sick indefinitely.

That’s what’s going to happen. That’s what the doctors say.

What do we do now? How do two people who are too independent to build a marriage give up their lives to care for someone else?

I don’t have a choice in the matter. She’s my mom. Or, I guess I do have a choice, but there’s no other option for me than to take care of my family. I don’t know if my husband will make that same choice.

Will it just be my mom and I next time the new year rings in?

Anonymous

Written by Guest Author
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2 Comments

  1. It may not be fair, but daughters are usually the ones depended on to do the caregiving in a family. Yes, a marriage can take a hit, whether you married early or later in life. The husband may not like the changes, especially if you have to care for your parent in your own home. It certainly restricts your lifestyle. The family caregiver should do the research first and be prepared to answer questions for the spouse, then will have to really have a heart to heart conversation with the spouse, laying out all the possibilities, AND what the future will hold. If both are working with good jobs you may be able to afford a lot of help, taking off a lot of the pressure. There are home health care aids that will come to your home as much as you need, there is adult day care, there is repite care for when you just need to get away for a bit. If you and spouse decide, you can look into assisted living facilities and nursing homes. But be aware that Medicare doesn’t pay and they can be very expensive. There is also now something known as a residential living home. I know that out here in AZ these are usually regular houses that have been rehabbed. The state certifies it up to 10 people to live there. There needs to be 2 health care aids during the day and 1 at night that remains awake. They give showers, make the food, do the laundry, give medication and everything that is needed usually up until the last, even if bed-bound. There must also be the availability of a nurse. So I recommend know your parent’s prognosis and ask the doctor to be completely blunt. Then do your research and know your options, then have the talk with your spouse.

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  2. If he marries a man ,no ,if he marries a woman yes because she be pregnant , so there you go,

    Reply

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