What do you wish you had time for?

November 12, 2017

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Sand running through the bulbs of an hourglass measuring the passing time

It’s rare for caregivers to have a free moment. The time consuming nature of caregiving means that few of us have the opportunity to get around to the things that are important to us.

So, what do you wish you had time for?


My husband. I am soul caregiver for my mother trying to keep her in her home and have made myself ill in this process. He is my only help and he is awesome above and beyond for me and my mom. – MH

All the things everyone thinks I have plenty of time for!  Especially my own family. It’s infuriating. – SW

There is this thing that i hear people talk about all the time.. I think they call it.. Umm… Sleep? Yea. I think that’s it. Sleep. I’d like that  it sounds nice!! – RG

An Encore Career. I never much liked what I did for a living, but it was easy, I seemed to be good at finding companies with good benefits, and I made *enough*. My last job had gotten more and more unpleasant so I took a buyout (which included a small severance payout, a year of career counseling, and the option to stay on their health insurance rolls for life). Almost simultaneously, my mother was diagnosed with bladder cancer. So I had to be able to take a weekday off with little notice whenever I needed to do that. After going to one full-time job interview, where HR told me I would only get 10 vacation days the first year and could not use them for 30 days, I opted for freelance copyediting at home. I didn’t need a job for health insurance, but – can anyone spell B.O.R.I.N.G?? After my mother died I now have found myself a full time care manager for my former domestic partner, whom I still love more than life itself, even though I live separately. *Fortunately* I was able to get her on Medicaid, so she gets 24 hour care. But I am running the show: supervising the aides, being her “voice” (she has dementia) with all care providers, handling paperwork and finances. Yes, I’m able to work enough hours to pay my bills (I now also get Social Security) but I hardly feel that I am making the most of my talents. Thankfully I *do* sing (I’m a church soloist) and write, but these seem like small things. Although I would not trade one day with my loved one for anything. – RM

A “guilt free” day that I could just enjoy the day no pain, no worries, just a day away from it all. – DG

My spouse.  Our child must come 1st in both our lives, out of necessity. She is totally dependent on us for everything. She can’t even tell her caregiver that she needs a drink of water. Most people have no idea how blessed they really are. They let their burdens overshadow their blessings. If you or your loved one can communicate his or her needs then there is a lot to be thankful for.  – RK

Stay in my bed watching tv ? resting!!! I suffer from fibromyalgia sometimes I feel I’m hitting the wall?? – GO

A day without worries, a day to myself without feeling guilty! – DH

A long, hot, uninterrupted bubble bath with a glass of wine and a candy corn scented candle burning. Ahhhhhhh… – DS

Myself. Doing something I would like to do for a change. – AJ

My other children, who often take a back seat. – JF

A life of my own for a change. – KM

A guilt free and anxiety free day to myself! I need me time so bad!! – LS

Vacation, away from work. Away from everything that’s stressing me out. – BJ

Just a bit of time together alone with the man who helps me the most with my son’s care. – DS

To have just one day where I can just pamper myself at a spa! – TS

I wish I had time to ride a bike and go swimming, just floating on my back in the pool. – CP

A haircut! – BJ

Written by Allison Powell
I live off of food from Trader Joe's. I spend my life in a cubicle, a la Office Space. I'm kind of obsessed with the internet. Confession: I take care of people but don't identify as a caregiver.

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31 Comments

  1. Myself…I am so busy taking care of others I get lost in the mix.

    Reply
  2. My care for my mom was to the point of just wishing to take a shower, wash my hair, go to my doctor. My mom did well with me, but I had to be in her view at all times. (She had Alzheimer’s 12 yrs, with me.) The tragedy was all 3 of of my siblings, my dad, my husband & my daughter passed in those few yrs. We were close & loving so if they had lived I know things would have been far different. My extended family were indifferent, never came around, nor offered help. (That’s ok, I got the best of my mom—-their loss.) But truly just to take a shower my mom had to set in the bathroom with me (She feared I wouldn’t come back to her.) If I went out for even 2 hours to take care of business (I had an aid for 2 hrs twice a week, that’s it) mom refused to take her meds (She hid them under her tongue) and stayed glued to the door looking for me. I got a phone call from the aid everytime, then gave up & came home. But regardless, the biggest blessing of my life was her! I regret not a second of my time & the deep love we shared. As we told each other till the day she passed 2 yrs ago, we were each others everything.

    Reply
  3. My self, of course. No time for me.

    Reply
  4. To have a career, time for a short get away every now and then. Simple things.

    Reply
  5. Would love a walk through a nature preserve then a meal out.

    Reply
  6. My horses, friends and family

    Reply
  7. I take short trips to break up Stress.

    Reply
  8. Visit my children and grandchildren. I have 2 great grandchildren I have only seen one time.

    Reply
  9. More time to share my art project to raise more awareness of my wife’s diseases as well as spread the word about our nonprofit so we can work towards helping with some of the caregivers concerns mentioned in the article. Feel like I am being pulled apart trying to manage it all and be a caregiver at the same time but we will succeed even if it kills me in the process.

    Reply
  10. Freedom to choose to join family friends or shopping or do nothing.

    Reply
    • I wish for freedom also. To do the things I would enjoy. My time is not my own.

      Reply
  11. Kayaking and crocheting. Caregiving is more meaningful than either, though.

    Reply
  12. My hubby passed away on Oct 3rd last month .. after 56 years of marriage .. I wish I had time to hold his hand , hear his voice , see his smile or just anything .. just one more time

    Reply
    • My husband died 10-10-17 and I feel just the same. We were blessed with 43 yrs.

      Reply
    • Carolee Higgins aww I’m so sorry Carolee … I feel you

      Reply
    • My heart breaks for you both. My husband of 32yrs is at a stage of giving up. His health journey began Oct.2005. He’s had a total of 22 surgeries. During the hospital stay (01/13-03/23) he suffered a small stroke. I’m scared of losing him. We’ve known each other since our pre-teens & married in our mid-20’s!

      Reply
    • Regina Moreau Bryant I’m so sorry .. I traveled that road too .. met my hubby when I was 13 and he was 16 .. know that I will be praying for you and your hubby ..

      Reply
    • I will pray for you and your husband Regina. Look out for the hallucintions. They are very scsrym

      Reply
  13. Ride my horses again. Go out to dinner w friends. Go to a movie. Just to even have a friend would be nice.

    Reply
    • I hear you. No time to do any thing we enjoy in order to recharge ourselves.

      Reply
  14. Family and friends.

    Reply

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