The words that I could not bring myself to admit bubbled to the surface: I have been preparing for my mother’s death. I do not want her to leave me without preserving what I can. Even though I know it is an impossible task, I am trying to protect myself against...
For much of their lives together, Stephanie Rinka and her husband, John, had ongoing conversations about end-of-life issues. Stephanie was a nurse, and she cared for many people suffering from incurable illnesses and debilitating traumas. Stephanie treated her...
Guilt. Stress. Exhaustion. Anger. Sadness. We read these cries for help – these pleas for release – in blogs for caregivers whose spouses have incurable illnesses. We hear these cries loud and clear in our face-to-face support groups as we commiserate,...
I’m a huge fan of Esther Perel’s podcast, Where Should We Begin? Almost two years ago her husband was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson’s Disease [at 37]. They have three [young] kids, a mortgage to pay, and he has developed some compulsive...
No one wants to think about end-of-life care, but it remains an unavoidable inevitability for all of us. Caregivers often face the unenviable task of preparing for the death of a loved one during the last months of their lives, and it can be difficult to know where to...
I wanted to create a sense of stability while my children, then 8 and 11, were still innocent enough to believe that life could be stable. I wanted to create a sense of hope while my husband, Jonathan, was still young enough to start over. Although I was only 45, my...
Q: My mother is in her late-50s and has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She tried one round of radiation, but now she is resigned to her fate and doesn’t want more treatment. She is still mentally alert and vivacious. I disagree with her decision, but I...
Genetic diagnosis is getting ever more sophisticated. But as doctors uncover diseases that are hereditary, who needs to know? Shaun Raviv explores the rights – and duties – of doctors, patients and families. In 2007, a middle-aged British man shot and killed his wife....
Julie reached out to me to speak about those frantic final days and hours at Montreal’s Sainte-Justine Hospital where Kate’s doctors tried desperately to extend her life — an attitude that Julie now believes made it difficult for her, her partner Brian and...
For years before her death at age 96, Nancy Lundebjerg’s mother underwent a long, slow decline. Arthritis made it hard for Margaret Lundebjerg to get around. After two hip surgeries, she needed a walker when she was out and about. Incontinence was a source of...
I’m tired of feeling bad for letting things get under my skin. Yes, they mean well. But their intention doesn’t change how frustrating it can be. My mother is recovering from surgery and it’s sweet to see everyone rally around her. All the phone...
During the 11 months when my husband, Ahmad, was dying of bladder cancer, few people wanted to hear how he was truly doing. They wanted to hear about hope, courage, and positivity, not about how Ahmad was unlikely to survive or his ruminations on how to live well...
By JoNel Aleccia Bill Harris is blunt: For more than a year, he has been trying to help his wife die. The 75-year-old retired tech worker says it’s his duty to Nora Harris, his spouse of nearly four decades, who was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease in...
When my boyfriend came out to his family, his father attacked him. That was nearly 20 years ago now. For a long time he’d make attempts to get in contact with his siblings or his mother every couple years. They never went well. They were only willing to welcome...
Every time I am outwardly sarcastic, impatient, and/or frustrated with him, I think to myself “you are probably going to write a blog post after all of this is done reflecting on how you could have been less sarcastic, more patient, and less triggered by frustration...
Humor May Be Antidote For Pain Of Death For Patients, Survivors Just weeks before Christmas some years ago, Shirley Rapp and her family faced the devastating news that she had what appeared to be a terminal illness. But that didn’t stop Rapp from wanting to do one...
Supporters of “death with dignity” have succeeded in legalizing medical aid-in-dying in five states by convincing voters, lawmakers and courts that terminally ill patients have the right to die without suffering intractable pain in their final days or weeks. When Gov....
How do you tell someone that they’re seriously ill, or even dying? Chrissie Giles explores how doctors learn and how they deal with the stress and trauma, for both their patients and themselves. Listen to or download an audiobook of this story...
[W]hat should we do when a parent expresses a wish to die? Listen carefully, experts say. Respond calmly, and be sure to let your loved one take the conversational lead. “The first thing is to be curious,” said Dr. Susan Block, head of the department of psychosocial...
One day you know how your wife will die. You don’t know the day, but you have an idea. Not a good idea. Just enough to leave you in constant worry. Sometime in the next six months. Or less. Or more. There are survivors who’ve lived for years after...
Alia Indrawan is an integrative healing practitioner and intuitive guide based in Bali, Indonesia. She has previously worked as a Hospice Nurse, helping people with terminal illness to die gracefully and in peace. She has taken the lessons she’s learned from...
What kind of care do you want at the end of your life? Stanford University researchers put that question to members of three major ethnic groups in the San Francisco Bay area and found little variation in their responses. “There is a common humanity – people want to...
Healthcare expenditure is the biggest threat to America’s economy, due to an aging population and a system in which physicians are often paid based on what they do to their patients, rather than fostering a patient’s overall quality of life. Dr. Timothy...
George had always taken care of everything — doing the cooking, paying the bills, deciding what we should do for fun and driving us there to do it. When he was diagnosed with metastasized male breast cancer in 2009, he chose to handle his treatment on his own. He...
As a first time caregiver, and a person that was never around anyone that had cancer, being thrust into the position of caring for Annie on a full time basis was undoubtedly the most difficult thing I’d ever done or will do over my life time. I didn’t know...
Caring for a person with a severe or terminal illness can be taxing, to say the least. One of the most difficult, but necessary, things to do is discuss the practical aspects of end-of-life planning before the person in your care actually needs to arrange these...
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