Your Suffering (Probably) Comes From This False Belief
I was trying to influence a situation outside my control by staying awake. I could not prevent my wife’s heart from suddenly stopping in the night. That was outside my control, and laying awake trying to regulate something I couldn’t wasn’t doing my wife or myself any...
When I Have Dementia
“I hope you’ll still laugh at my jokes when I have dementia,” I said to my husband Ryan on an evening walk not long after my thirty-fourth birthday. It was the first time I had tried out my new resolution to stop saying “if I get dementia” and to start referring to...
Effortless: Make It Easier to Do What Matters Most
Eve turned 14, had a growth spurt, began to feel tired often, talk to us less, and took longer to do her chores. Pretty age-appropriate behavior—or so we thought. On a routine visit with a physical therapist, he noticed Eve didn’t respond properly to basic reflex...
Preparing for End-of-Life Care
No one wants to think about end-of-life care, but it remains an unavoidable inevitability for all of us. Caregivers often face the unenviable task of preparing for the death of a loved one during the last months of their lives, and it can be difficult to know where to...
Moving on, with Claire Bidwell Smith
Why do so many of us feel guilty after the death of a loved one? A writer is overcome with guilt for causing her mom’s death — and suspects her dad blames her, too. She fell while walking the writer’s dog and broke her hip. A year later, she died of...
Forever: Stories about unbreakable bonds
After coming out as a lesbian, Alison Smith was given a choice: she could be part of her family, or she could be gay. She didn’t have any contact with her parents again until her mother was dying. Her mom refused to accept her on her death bed. Then her father...
She’s not going to get well soon
I’m tired of feeling bad for letting things get under my skin. Yes, they mean well. But their intention doesn’t change how frustrating it can be. My mother is recovering from surgery and it’s sweet to see everyone rally around her. All the phone...
Gift ideas for your parent who is going to die
A few weeks ago I was drinking beer and eating meatballs with a new friend in a city I didn’t live in. There’s something about the semi-anonymity of a new face you know you won’t have to see every day afterward that invites people to delve into the... Moy Moy used to talk
My daughter Moy Moy used to talk. A degenerative disorder snatched the child she once was away from us when she was only eight (or nine, or maybe seven — who knows? It all happened so gradually it is impossible to pin it down). The disorder was never diagnosed. We...
When is enough, enough?
I walked in the door at 7:30 tonight after being out since 8:15 this morning. My day consisted of working with kindergarteners for 7 hours, picking my daughter up from track practice, driving 40 minutes to her voice lesson and 40 minutes home, and a stop for Chinese...
Caregiver frustration
No matter how rewarding caregiving can be or how much we love the person we’re caring for, caregiving is frustrating. Frustration just comes with the package. We’re human and caregiving inevitably involves situations and tasks that are inherently...
Amy Seimetz on moving home to Florida to care for her dad after a series of strokes
After her father had a stroke, Amy Seimetz moved home to care for him. She juggled her work as an actor and a filmmaker while making medical decisions for her dad and providing supportive care for three years until he died. Her experience as a caregiver — facing...
Managing caregiver’s guilt
February 13, 2014. The day I became a caregiver. That was the day Jeff came home following nearly seven months spent in three hospitals after his spinal cord injury. Of course I had been preparing for my role of caregiver for months. The nurses, therapists, and staff...
Meet Judith H: Caregiver, Memoirist
I’m 61 years old and will soon be publishing my first book about caring for aging parents. It’s entitled, The Dutiful Daughter’s Guide to Caregiving: A Practical Memoir. I’m a writer, a teacher, a friend, a sister, an ex-wife, a pet parent, and always a daughter,...
Teachable Moments
When my husband’s tumor was first discovered, our children were only ages 9, 7, and 5. They were really too young to be kept in the loop about what was happening, and we went out of our way to hide it all. They were too young to hear about doctors, illness, tests, and...
A Caregiver’s Promise
My husband was in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of the hospital. He had been there for three weeks, anesthetized, hooked up to monitors, unaware of his condition or what was going on in life. His “wound,” as the medical team called it, was a giant surgical scar that... Caregiver Profile: Sandy J.
Who is a caregiver? Nearly 1/3 of Americans serve as family caregivers and millions more serve as paid professional caregivers. The Caregiver Space is sharing their stories. Meet Sandy I’m a parent, grandmother, dog lover, antique fan, music lover, and a...
A Life
by Katherine Flannery Dering, author of Shot in the Head, a Sister’s Memoir, a Brother’s Struggle When I started working on my memoir about taking care of my brother Paul, who suffered from schizophrenia and then lung cancer, I didn’t know how people...
Developing resiliency
Some people seem to be able to bounce back from everything. How do they do it? The good news is that resiliency isn’t a trait you’re just born with, it’s something you can develop. Accept the cold, hard truth No one makes it through life without traumatic situations,...We Have No Choice But to Be Strong
The roller coaster of emotions never stops, but I have learned a lot about myself, the people in my life, and life with a chronically ill family member.
Little Steps to Gratitude While Caregiving
For November’s CareCards, we’re going to share a little of what we’re grateful for.
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