three generations of family gathering together

When an elderly parent becomes unwell or unable to maintain full independence, the child is often the one to step in to provide his/her parent with the loving care they need. Caregiving for a parent is always difficult, but when there are several siblings involved, everything becomes that much more complicated.

There are many different ways that adult children react to their parent becoming dependant on the help of others, and when there is more than one child, these individualized reactions can cause strife and bitter feelings, unless dealt with correctly.

The following are some common ways that this situation can (and does) play out:

1.  Siblings Who Refuse to Help

When the child of an aging parent has other siblings around, he/she may be tempted to take the easy way out and allow the burden to fall on someone else’s shoulders. This can obviously cause a lot of resentment among the siblings who end up with all or most of the responsibilities.

One such example is Gloria P.*, who shoulders the entire burden of caring for her aging father.

As Gloria shared, “The responsibilities of caring for my dad, who has dementia, are daunting – and my brothers never visit or help in any way. I took in his dog, I pay his bills, I drive him places – but they do nothing, and honestly, I resent that.”

Carol Bradley Bursack1 recommends several ways to deal with siblings who refuse to take on their fair share of responsibilities:

  • Ask for help. Be direct and tell them exactly what you need or what they might do to ease your burden.
  • Have a care plan. A care plan can help you organize tasks and responsibilities to make it easier for them to get involved. Also consider keeping an online medical & health record so that you’re always on the same page.
  • Let go of expectations. By learning to let go of your expectations and hurt and allowing yourself the liberty to find help elsewhere without feelings of resentment, you are ensuring your own peace of mind.

2.  Siblings Who Forcefully Take Control

Alternatively, there may be several children who would like to help – but another sibling refuses their help, choosing to control the situation and have the last word in their parents’ care.

“The opposite problem also exists, when one sibling takes on the entire burden, believing he/she must do everything and shutting out the other siblings. In my family, our oldest sister took Mom on as her personal project. We’re not allowed to have an opinion. Yes, she’s good with financial stuff and Medicare – but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be involved in our mother’s care! She just won’t let us do anything for our mother, despite our protests,” says Diane S.

3.  Multiple Siblings with Conflicting Interests

Even when all or most of the children pitch in and/or get involved in their parents’ care, there can be a lot of conflict caused by different opinions, or, according to Alexis Abramson, gerontologist and author of “The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook,” even by pre-existing tension between siblings:

“When siblings squabble over who will care for Mom or Dad or refuse to help one another with caregiving tasks, the problem often isn’t about caregiving itself, but conflicts and power struggles that may have existed since childhood.” – Alexis Abramson

Many caregivers and senior care managers recommend circumventing such issues by having a neutral third party involved as a mediator.

If the main issue is the differences of opinions, one great recommendation is given by Heidi T., an experienced family caregiver:

“Your first consideration should always be to fill the wishes of the parent wherever possible. If not, try to make the kinds of decisions the parent would have made in the past. This way, instead of getting your personal feelings involved and doing what’s best for yourself, you know you are doing the best you can for your parent.”

Ellie’s Story

Ellie L. from New Jersey is one of seven siblings and she often struggles with keeping the peace between her siblings. The following is her take on sharing the caregiving burden, as well as the mindset that helps her ensure that her mother gets the best care possible without any hard feelings among her siblings.

“One of the hardest things about having an elderly mother,” Ellie begins, “is juggling the many opinions and keeping peace. It’s really true what they say – one mother can take care of seven children, but seven children can’t take care of one mother.

“The first thing I try to remember,” she continues, “is that if other family members give opinions or try to be ‘helpful’ they are doing it from love.

“Everyone makes mistakes; no one does a perfect job taking care of others. If you don’t like the way your sibling is handling it – realize that she’s doing the best she can.

“In my own family situation, I have no reason to suspect abuse. Of course, if one does suspect some kind of abuse, one has to take action!! If not, you have to trust the caregiver to make the best decisions he/she can. (It doesn’t help to mix in for everything… too many cooks spoil the broth!)

“Sometimes, my siblings make decisions that don’t make sense or that were wrong – but once it happened, it’s over and there’s nothing I can do about it. Instead of causing family discord because of the past, I choose to accept it and move on.

“If I feel strongly that something needs to be done a certain way, while my sister feels the opposite, I need to remember that two people can have opposite opinions and neither one is wrong. For example, I feel that our Mom needs evaluation for depression, and my sister thinks I’m just imagining things. In this case (and in many other cases like this one), there is no danger to giving in and waiting some time before re-evaluating her condition. It gets tricky if you think that there is danger, but I find that it’s pretty rare that it gets to that. After all, unless you’re dealing with unreasonable people, your siblings all want what’s best for their mom.

“Years ago, when my sister’s mother-in-law was unwell, she had one sister who was mostly involved in the caregiving. She once complained, ‘They live out of town and they like to have opinions. I’m here, taking care of everything, and my siblings in another town have an opinion on how I do it! You know, if you really want to have opinions, move here and do it yourself.’

“When I heard that,” Ellie concludes, “I made up my mind that if my sisters are going to do things I’m not able to take on myself, I have no right to have an opinion.”

Jessica C., who helps care for both of her parents, agrees with this: “My parents live with my sister. We have three other siblings who live around the country. When I spent a few months at my sister’s home (which is in another state), I gained a new appreciation for what she does for my parents, as well as how difficult caring for them can be. My other siblings, who didn’t share this appreciation, tended to bark out orders. Because of my experience, I have learned to allow my sister to make the decisions, and I encourage my other siblings to do the same. The most important thing is the care and wellbeing of our parents.”

Top 5 Tips for Shared Caregiving

When sharing the caregiving burden with your siblings, Ellie recommends keeping the following pointers in mind:

  • People make mistakes – and sometimes what you believe is a mistake may actually not be a mistake at all.
  • Two opposite opinions can both be right.
  • Appreciate what they’re doing instead of thinking about how you could do it better.
  • You all share love for your parent and the fact that you have different opinions is okay.
  • Always support each other and respect each other’s opinions. This is especially important because, similar to parents who undermine each other and thus undermine their child’s growth, siblings who don’t support each other in their parent’s end-of-life journey end up undermining their care – and this is true even when you’re in the right.

 

*Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

1 See Top 3 Excuses from Siblings Who Don’t Help with Caregiving

Featured image: Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com


About the author: Hanna Landman lives in New Jersey with her husband and child. She writes for AvaCare Medical, an online medical supply store servicing seniors and the homebound across the US. You can see some of her published work about senior care and more here.

Written by Guest Author
The Caregiver Space accepts contributions from experts for The Caregiver's Toolbox and provides a platform for all caregivers in Caregiver Stories. Please read our author guidelines for more information and use our contact form to submit guest articles.

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152 Comments

  1. HAHAHAHA! Oh wait. Was that a serious question?

    Reply
  2. If only they would I never had help from mine for 15 year’s and now that I am not able to caregive my mom I have had to place her into the manner my best friend is employed at the manner and says that my siblings are in there all the time as if they were her caregivers she said but I correct the staff by letting them know that those siblings weren’t even in sight before she came in here and now they know everything and bitch about the staff there to makes me so angry

    Reply
  3. 3 out of 5 of us help provide care and none of the adult grandchildren. Blessings & prayers of strength to each of you.

    Reply
  4. No – not a chance. Part of the problem but I do have one that helps support me via text, etc. The rest are either MIA or have zero interest. Part of my issues that I can’t get an answer to here!

    Reply
  5. No. I am the youngest. My older brother and sister both believe that if Mom cannot care for herself anymore then she should be in assisted living or a nursing home. My brother has not spoken to me in over fifteen years because Mom asked me to move ‘Home’ to help her. So, now according to my brother, I am robbing her blind! She is an insulin dependent diabetic w/ many other health issues. She is legally blind, has congestive heart failure, kidney disease, neuropathy, plus much more. Her care is my life as she is my best friend. But do they appreciate it or help? Never! They just shun me and holler at Mom about what a rotten person I am and how gullible she is!

    Reply
  6. For the most part, I feel abandoned. I don’t even think they realize all that needs to be done every week. They don’t ask. If it were the other way around, and one of them were doing the caregiving…I certainly would be doing what I could to show love and appreciation. My oldest brother does call Mom just about every day, and that is huge. I feel that their behavior is despicable. I am ashamed of them.

    Reply
  7. One sibling doesn’t have a clue of what I’m dealing with (8 hours away), the other one that,lives right next door never goes near my son! I swear I think she thinks traumatic brain injury is contagious.

    Reply
  8. I have 7 siblings. With mom I had 2 sisters help. With dad 0.

    Reply
  9. Susan J. Teeters you are correct. Once they’d step up, they’d need to keep it up so the resist until it’s too late. I’d rather see hired help then family members that don’t want bothered or can’t be! I can not imagine being like this with your parents?! Shame shame

    Reply
  10. Blessed to have my sister to share in the care of our Mum. 3 year’s daily visits while she was in care. It wasn’t always roses but am so glad it was this way.

    Reply
  11. Yes always.We alternated our days so Mum had us every day.Thankyou ❤️❤️

    Reply
  12. Im the baby girl with two older brothers. They want no part of it

    Reply
  13. Nope! Two sisters died several years ago. The one that was left only wanted money, the car and half of the sale of the house when mom passed. I’ve disowned her. She’s nothing more than a 60 yr old child in an adult body.

    Reply
  14. Mom has been with me 10+ years I have a sister that did help she is now on heroin ect. And one that is busy I been the one doing it all she been bed bound since my kids were born I find it hard for them to have a normal life mine revolves around my mom.

    Reply
  15. Yeah, that’s a joke, right?

    Reply
  16. I’m very fortunate that my brother is here every Saturday and Sunday he helps with things around the house and Dad and he helps a lot with research and the computer work and paperwork so all in all we’re doing pretty good

    Reply
  17. Yes. I’m part of a functional sibling caregiving group. Grateful that we’re all in it 100%.

    Reply
  18. I took most of the load on myself with the help of my daughter. Someone might help and they just don’t have the wherewithal to do so. ..Canfield Kaayla I’m sorry you are in it by yourself .It definitely is not easy and your Halo is getting polished .

    Reply
  19. No. I’m selfish and want mom to myself. I have 5 older sisters, but with the age difference, I was raised an only child

    Reply
  20. No. My sister couldn’t do what I do. It would break her heart to see our grandmother in her mental state, day after day. My mother is the only other family member that can do it and she lives 7 hours away.

    Reply
  21. I think always there are one or two that end up doing all the care. I myself left my job,put all my stuff in storage and moved states away to care for my Mom until she died. So glad I did…I have no regrets…..

    Reply
  22. My brother is not allowed anywhere near my dad without supervision. He’s been verbally abusing my dad and mom, who has since passed, for the last 20 yrs. He can go to Hell. It’s all on me.

    Reply
  23. My brother and I “share” caregiving duties. He takes one day a week and I take the other six. I guess he didn’t do so well in math

    Reply
  24. Well I was willing to share my time but my siblings really didn’t help much when sister wanting to be paid too much a brother that would come up with every excuse possible not to help that day or night along with his wife. One sister lived 300 miles away and she constantly tried to help me. So my mother decided that she would just go live the rest of her days at my sister’s and then the siblings taking advantage got mad and said that we sent our mother far away. It was the biggest mess and I hope I never have to live through that again. But with both parents gone now and together I suppose my siblings will do good taking care of theirselves because they haven’t spoke in 3 years

    Reply
  25. God bless those of you with caring siblings….mine are a**holes.

    Reply
  26. No. I did it myself, then at the funeral, the siblings ride in like conquering heroes.

    Reply
  27. Typically one does most of the work, while the rest are arm-chair caregivers that just bitch and criticize . I’ve found the best way to get rid of their interference is ask them to step up and help!!! They’ll be gone with the wind ! Caregiving is hard enough, the stress of half assed participants isn’t worth it- it’s easier to have them gone

    Reply
    • That is so true Susan! One day though, the time will come and payback is a real b****!

      Reply
    • You hit the nail on the head! My whole family abandoned me, but of course when she was dying they acted like it was all about them!

      Reply
    • response to their criticism
      ” If you feel you can do better .. be my guest .. please .”
      They disappear with the wind .

      Reply
  28. Many times it is one that is doing all the work, I went through this myself. That is why the caregiver is so completely exhausted and stressed because there is no real help.

    Reply
  29. Unfortunately my sibling has autism. I have to manage his care and my parent’s. Bless his heart, he does help around the house and is somewhat self-sufficient.

    Reply
  30. No siblings around to share. All my family lives at least an hour away.

    Reply
  31. I was the only one who cared for my mother…my sister walked out on us and it was left up to me over the years…she came back to play the grieving daughter though

    Reply
    • Yeah they all stroll in at the end … where we they when they were really needed?? Pfft

      Reply
    • My sisters response fur request for assistance
      “You take care if everything … you are so good at it “

      Reply
  32. ha! No. They treat me like the maid.

    Reply
  33. I have two brothers and two sisters. I was the primary caregiver for our mom for 9 months. Sisters both live in the same state, but a distance. They were very helpful. My brothers live 1000 miles from my home, and they came to help out when they could. All in all, I consider myself very fortunate to have had all of their support. The greatest gift they gave me was that they respected my caregiving decisions. Our mom was mentally sound up until the last few days and we abided by her wishes.

    Reply
    • there are always a few exceptions to the rule; you are blessed -this rarely happens -I’ve been in the biz a long time and more cut and run and complain and criticize, then help

      Reply
  34. I would love to but it’s been only me for the last 35 yrs!

    Reply
  35. Me 19 years and counting live in 24/7. single sister whom lives 5 minutes away( Never) sister whom lives hour away every summer to relieve me for vacation or emergency situations she helps me regain my sanity. But. . Now dealing with her own crisis helping with son in law whom has stage 4 colon cancer she would be here if she could. Bottom line there is ALWAYS that one! Smh

    Reply
  36. I wish. I️t might have made things easier. But my older brother abandoned us so he could go live his life. He left me to care for both of our mentally ill parents. His actions caused my suffering to be more

    Reply
  37. Does sharing caregiving responsibilities with your siblings actually work? I have been doing this for 18 years, and have begged them for help, but all they do is help themselves to my mothers money. I have presently have one brother and 2 sisters, and useless is an understatement.

    Reply
    • It was the same with me. Five siblings and several adult grands. All of it fell on Sister and me. When I asked for help it was like an unpardonable sin. They haven’t spoken to me since. That was maybe 5 years ago. I haven’t seen or heard from them in two years since Moms funeral.

      Reply
    • Brenda Stagnolia Danner – only time family wants to know anything is when will the funds be distributed. I am the legal guardian for my grandma and most of the family lives far away. The sister that lives closest doesn’t lift one tiny little finger (except to open her mouth when she thinks things should be done differently). I sympathize with you. My husband and I managed my Grandma’s 24/7 in-home care 700 miles away for 76 weeks. Now I am managing her nursing facility with additional homecare providers visiting her. Does the family help? NO! Good thing I am here otherwise she was would a ward of the state. So good on you for taking care of your family. Ward of the state is really ugly.

      Reply
    • I’m sick of absent family members sticking their noses in and criticising the 24/7 care hubby and I provide – bet they’ll all be around when the will is read!!!

      Reply
    • Jill Cooper they already know they have been written out of this one.

      Reply
  38. No. I get no help. An occasional visit which is really a vacation for them.

    Reply
  39. no. the coward ran away 28 years ago….bet he shows up for the reading of the will. M.F.er

    Reply
  40. how about ,when their are no siblings to share with?

    Reply
    • That is a challenge that isn’t addressed here, but is definitely a challenge in its own right…

      Reply
  41. My husband’s dad with Alzheimer’s lives with us. My husband has 2 brothers, one in Oregon one in California. We live in Florida. I have a coworker in the same situation only her husband’s siblings live nearby and they do not help with her father in law at all.

    Reply
  42. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who don’t do a thing for my aging mother. She was a wonderful mom to them. They all live local. 1 brother has been absent over 5 years, the other 6 months and sporadic at best for the sister. Both mom and dad live with me. Dad passed 3 years ago. I do my best for Mom every day. They should be ashamed but somehow I don’t think they are. I’m sure they will show up when the will is read. I don’t need them anymore. I have a wonderfully supportive wife, so I count myself lucky and blessed. God will judge, not me….oh, and they all live loyally.

    Reply
  43. Forgive me but I bursted out laughing at the title. I have 3 older siblings who don’t help. I currently take care of our Mom as I did our father 20 years ago. How I cope is to repeat my mantra, accept the things you cannot change. That being said I hold my head up high and my middle finger higher. I do the best I can being my Mom’s full time caregiver while working full time outside the home. I commend all you “only child” caregivers

    Reply
    • I like the line of holding your head high and middle finger higher! I’m going to use it. I feel your frustration as I am living it, too.

      Reply
    • Kent Roberts, I wish you much luck going through the caregiving journey. I saw the middle finger analogy on Facebook and found it perfect for us caregivers. I hope you don’t mind but I shared your post on pain gulping because I thought that was the epitome caregiving too.

      Reply
  44. For those of us with siblings that didn’t help … you are NOT alone!! I tried for years to get my siblings to work with me as a team to help take care of Mom. The stress, drama, broken promises of help, accusations and rejection was making me physically ill. I didn’t like feeling angry and frustrated all the time and certainly didn’t want to take it out on my supportive husband & daughter. I decided I needed to forgive (even though they didn’t ask for it) and let go. I’m writing a book about what I went through and how I learned to release the pain and go on: “Alzheimer’s Caregiving: Forgiving and Forgetting.” Mom passed a little over 3 years ago. My siblings & I don’t have a relationship any more. It’s incredibly sad and not how we were raised.

    Reply
  45. I wish there was a law that all siblings had to equally share in the caregiving. Caregiving should not all fall on the shoulders of one person.

    Reply
    • The physical care of my mother falls exclusively on me. While I agree that caregiving should not fall on the shoulders of one person, a law that all siblings had to share equally could put undue burdens on some. For instance my second sister is in a caregiving situation herself taking care of her husband. Should she really take on more to share caring for our mother?

      Reply
    • I’m all for that!! Any way we can get this voted in?

      Reply
  46. I no longer have siblings. Excuses included I have to go shopping, it’s your turn, I have to work. We were close to almost hospitalization from lack of sleep and losing hundreds in pay. Asked for help. They did not care.

    Reply
  47. Yes. I gather from reading these answers that I’m in the minority. I’ve three siblings and we all four share the responsibilities. We have regular communications via an email group and conference calls. We have an online shared calendar and task list. We’re always looking for ways to improve, and we all have the same goal: mom and dad are safe and happy.

    Reply
    • I’m blessed as well. We all have different strengths and some have more or less time then others, but we also work together as a team. It’s like a marriage…not always 50/50 ( or in our case, 20/20/20/20/20!) but nobody ever feels like the burden is theirs alone. I’m lucky…I have plenty of friends who aren’t, though. Sad.

      Reply
  48. Additionally, I was the only one who helped financially. Neither my brother or sister contributed one penny. Mom paid the utilities and her caregivers and I paid for everything else. That’s what we decided on when Dad passed. And any house needs, we split like when we needed a new garage door. My brother was livid because Mom paid the utilities. When Mom passed, I kept her caregiver on for another week to help me and paid for that out of my Mom’s checking account. And the fur flew. My Mom passed in 2014 at age 100 but her caregiver and I have remained friends. She still comes out every month or so to help me out. We do a girl’s day out and then we work the next day. I pay her for the day she works. She takes care of the gardening and helps me organize things. She makes me a home-cooked meal and then I take her to the train. I miss Mom so much and it’s tough being alone.

    Reply
  49. No sharing… and they live less than 3 miles away. Do it all alone and work a full time job

    Reply
  50. Been there done that. We do it anyway regardless of what others do or don’t do. #StepUp

    Reply
  51. Hahaha that’s funny.

    Reply
  52. Great idea if you have siblings who will help. Mine would rather watch his mother die of malnutrition.

    Reply
  53. Not possible! My husbands only living brother beat his mother bad about 4 years ago! He can’t be unattended with her! She of course thinks this would be just fine because he is her favorite! She never wanted my husband when he was born another boy and she screams if he ever tries to just walk with her and hold her arm or get her the bike to pedal on while she is on the couch! She constantly says he is hurting her and he isn’t even touching her! She tells him he is fat and calls him stupid! My husband is 6′ and 180 lbs and a brilliant man! This breaks my heart when she is so awful to him!

    Reply
    • So do I! She is living in our home! My husband is a wonderful kind man! He has a TBI from his combat in Iraq. I am caregiver to them both! He tries to help his mom and is convinced she will get better!

      Reply
  54. Sorry, I’m in no mood for jokes.
    I care for my 86 yo dad and my husband with FTD. And there are others that could, but….

    Reply
  55. Hell no. They’ve all, every last member of this blood family, has abandoned us. We, my mom and I, have our chosen family that sticks by us…even though they may live on different continents!!!

    Reply
  56. nope. His family lives 15 min away, and we NEVER see them. Just me… >:(

    Reply
  57. It’s really sad no matter how big the family, it always comes down to one in most cases. I will say it was the greatest honor and privilege of my life. I thank God he gave me the love and strength to step up. When every one else stepped back .

    Reply
  58. No, I had lost all 3 of my older brothers when daddy was diagnosed with alzhiemers / dementia. He passed away this past November. Now my husband and I care for my mom. She recently was diagnosed with sundowners and beginning dementia. My husband I have no help caregiving but we make a great team

    Reply
    • Thank God at least you two have each other. That in itself is a blessing. It’s so hard as the rolls reverse. Now it’s our turn to love and take care of them as they did when we were kids

      Reply
  59. Siblings help out! Ha that’s a joke. I took care of my mom 24/7 for 7 years. She died 3/7/17 in my arms. Out of 6 kids only 3 of us were with her . Now 3 of the 6 want all the control of her things. I was told when I asked why they don’t help. They all have a life..

    Reply
  60. I never did. They never offered to help. I took care of my Mom for 15 years after my Dad passed. And I worked, did all the shopping, coordinated caregivers, took them to and from the train, took Mom out to eat, took her to the stores, took her on vacation, took her on day trips. Nobody else did. She passed 2-1/2 years ago and I miss her.

    Reply
    • She was blessed to have you.

      Reply
  61. Out of 6 of us…just 2 of us hold down the responsibilities of taking care of my mom. I’m the oldest–widowed, going thru cancer and 2nd time and my brother who is single and a former Marine. The others think we have no kids or grandkids and think we have all the time in the world. Who does not have 1 or 2 days a month to spend with their mother?>?????GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  62. My sister lives 10 mins from my Dad and I. Have not seen her in 5 yrs. We got in a fight…. I pray everyday for reconciliation.

    Reply
  63. I wish, one lives to far away and the other sees her a few times a month. Which is better than nothing.

    Reply
  64. Ha ha ha. Thats so funny#! NO.

    Reply
  65. They think I do. I’m 24/7 but they pop in when its convenient for them. Better than nothing I guess.

    Reply
    • My 2 grown children help tho! The only grandchildren that do.

      Reply
  66. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha…. riiiiiiiggghhhhttt.

    Reply
  67. Backseat caregiving from 2K miles away, super helpful

    Reply
  68. Pardon me while I laugh and laugh, and laugh.

    Reply
  69. Bless my children and my sister! Wow we were lucky to have each other!

    Reply
  70. Somehow, when my Gran got sick, everyone was just too busy! My Mom, brother, and I took care of her. It was nice they decided to check in at the funeral though, in case they were gonna get something.

    Reply
  71. Ya right no way they say no you can do it

    Reply
  72. Sadly this isn’t the case most of the time. I think we need to be honest if you are the sole caretaker to speak up to siblings and ask for help. Let them know how emotional and physical exhausting care taking can be. Everyone needs breaks especially the ones whom stepped up and live with their elders. God bless those who do take of this responsibility.
    It’s a selfless act for sure.

    Reply
    • When ever I complained about anything…I was told by one brother to put my mom in a nursing home. He is a rat!!

      Reply
    • When I went thru cancer the 1st time I wrote everyone a letter asking them to step up during my treatments—got no help. The 2nd time I was diagnosed they helped me more than mom…I can take care of myself…mom can’t! I live alone but am much younger than mom…she needs the help I don’t. God bless us all.

      Reply
    • God bless you Louise Gaynor. Prayers for you and your mom . Sometimes family members can qualify or to have a friend be paid by MILP to help them elevate the demand. IDK. I think our values have lessons over the years. Family (parents) should be first. Not the case always. I understand.

      Reply
  73. My sis died and my bro is facing his second open heart surgery. He still helps

    Reply
  74. Sister lives on other side of the country. I’m pretty much on my own. It’s better now that my mom is in assisted living, but still exhausting and challenging at times.

    Reply
  75. That’s a laugh my husband left in the middle of me taking care of mom

    Reply
    • What a dog!! I lived w a man for 7 yrs. He admited that he felt secure that if he fell sick or injured he’d be taken care of…he admitted most likely would not care for me if the same happend. I left quickly!!

      Reply
  76. I have my other brother helping. He never got along with my disabled brother. So it’s a lot of butting heads. Last night though was nice. The three of us went shopping at a thrift store. I was exhausted but it made me happy to see them together just being brothers. I don’t give him as much credit as I should.

    Reply
    • Usually quite to opposite. Im thankful not to have that dramam

      Reply
  77. I wish

    My older brother abandoned us so he could go live his life.

    He left me to care for both of our mentally ill parents.

    As far as I am concerned, I am an only child.

    Reply
    • I share your same sentiment!

      Reply
    • Same here, being a female child, whose brother was 14yrs older…. it was my responsibility at 7 to care for them, because he was married and deserves to life his life!!!!! FINALLY they died

      Reply
    • OOPS, hit sent…
      I was so bitter, now I’m 70, I refuse any help from my children!!!!

      Reply
    • Jorja Kelley I find that in our society it is women who are supposed to be the caregivers. I think it should be a family responsibility (men and women) who care for their loved ones together.

      No need to apologize. I’m bitter too that my older brother abandoned us. I haven’t seen him in 5 years and I don’t care if I ever see him again.

      Reply

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