His PTSD, and My Struggle to Live With It
That attack marked the beginning of our struggle to navigate a relationship transformed by trauma. Since then, I think I’ve read just about everything that has been written about how to support a loved one healing from post-traumatic stress. Among other things, I’ve...
A simple loss
It doesn’t rhyme with purpose But that’s what it is Or inspiration But that, too You’ve lost it. In the middle of everything else, that one thing, that oasis of sanity and resolve and purpose and inspiration; where everything else in the world that...
How to Help Someone With Depression While Being Fair to Yourself
How much of yourself do you have to give to your partner in support, and what is the true cost if you forget yourself in the process? The fact of the matter is this: Living with a spouse with depression isn’t impossible, but the question of how to support someone with...
When My Wife Developed Alzheimer’s, the Story of Our Marriage Kept Us Connected
In December 2012, at age sixty-one, Judy received a diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer’s. The news was deeply distressing, igniting within me a burning anxiety over how I, a wheelchair user born with a spinal cord malformation and living with bunches of body parts...
Sandwich Generation: How Do You Decide Whose Needs Come First?
Your parents need your help right now, and so do your adult kids. But what about saving for your own retirement? If you’re stressed and stretched, it’s time to prioritize. The sandwich generation is defined as those who are caught in the middle of both parents and...
What Is Compassion Fatigue?
“Since the pandemic, individuals are coping with so many different forms of stress that might be activating a compassionate part of them that they might not understand, which results in them feeling drained, overwhelmed, and depleted,” says Hillary Schoninger, a...
Queer Millennials Are Becoming Family Caregivers. We Aren’t Ready
The ache of watching a loved one grow smaller was hard enough. But I also wasn’t prepared for the way care-taking would force me to tamp down my queerness — and to become smaller myself. Despite coming out to my grandpa years ago, I still internalized the pressure to...
Caring and Grieving in the Shadow of COVID
When my mother had brain surgery to remove a tumor in May 2020, I thought that was the most difficult thing that could happen during the pandemic. I thought once she recovered from that my caregiving role would be over and I would go back to my life as a “normal” 20...
COVID-19 and Caregiving: The Silent Struggle of Women Caregivers at the Front Lines
Caregiving will forever have a new outlook following the ongoing pandemic. From unpaid caregiving to the increased duties of professional caregivers, there has been little or no respite over this past year. And we still keep going, with many cities across the globe...
I lost my son six months ago
Fourteen years ago, I remember taking my son home from the NICU. The way the world currently supports disabled children seems, at times, to be a misuse of the word “resilience”. Somehow because you’re this “superhero” parent, it felt like many believed I could...
Caregivers are Over Your Toxic Positivity
I stopped buying into the veneer of toxic positivity once I became the primary caregiver to my mother who has dementia and several chronic physical health conditions. I think only other caregivers know the special hell that can be our lives. Typical work days get...
On the consolatory pleasure of jigsaws when the world is in bits
When the call came to say my mother had died, I was working on a jigsaw of Joan Miró’s painting The Tilled Field (1923-24). Like many others, I turned to jigsaws at the start of the pandemic as a way to manage stress, and symbolically reimpose order on a chaotic...
Lisa Raitt on taking care of her husband as he struggles with young-onset Alzheimer’s
In the early hours of the morning, Bruce Wood will wake up next to his wife, former Conservative MP Lisa Raitt, and start muttering. “I’ll say to myself: ‘Please go back to sleep.’ But if he doesn’t, he’ll start jabbering to...
How to have a difficult conversation
I’m a mediator. I have helped people have difficult conversations for more than 20 years: in conflict zones and in living rooms, with leaders of corporations and foundations, and people in my own community. If you’ve ever avoided or postponed a difficult conversation,...
‘I hate giving you bad news’
Danielle Hernandez is 30 and has Stage 4 breast cancer. As she calls her mother Violeta in Florida to deliver an update on her treatment from her home in Los Angeles, she oscillates between medical jargon and silver livings, with the more difficult pieces of...
6 Safety Tips for Home Health Care Workers
With these safety tips for home health care workers, you can provide the best experience for your loved ones or residents.
How to Talk to a Friend Whose Posts Have You Worried
Even before the coronavirus pandemic began, a lot of people were talking more honestly about their bad mental health days (or weeks, or months) online. And now that we’re experiencing widespread loneliness, unemployment, uncertainty, illness, and grief—during a time...
Caring for the carers
Schulz and four colleagues reviewed the research on family caregiving for the disabled and ill elderly, outlining the enormous toll on caregivers and potential ways to help them. “Our health system has always been narrowly focused on the care recipient,” Schulz says....
Supporting someone who self harms
Is someone you care about cutting themselves? This guide to supporting someone who’s engaged in non-suicidal self harm helps you understand their behavior, how to support them, and how to support yourself.
Losing your sense of self
Losing Your Sense of Self How do you stay in touch with your true identity when your life revolves around supporting someone else? Let’s talk It’s something most of us experience, but we so rarely talk about it. Maybe we don’t want to draw attention...
Can I get paid to be a family caregiver in the US?
Providing support to a critically ill, disabled, or frail family member goes far beyond providing emotional support. Often it comes with significant financial sacrifices. Many people wonder if there is a way to get paid to be a caregiver to a family member. The answer...
Library
"I'm not really a caregiver" stories Everyone deserves care stories Caregiving Resources Care work is real work stories Care Work Longreads Care is a social justice issue stories Care is intersectional stories Global chain of care work stories All relationships are...
Caregiver — Don’t Cry Momma “Gone With The Wind”
It was a late October morning, 2005, and there was a crisp chill in the air. Couldn’t decide if I should go out and work in the garden, tinker in our antique shop, or just relax inside, in the warm. In the minute, it seemed like I was facing a dilemma. My wife...
How we dealt with uncertainty and a virus
How we dealt with uncertainty, And a virus in our life, For fifteen years. And emerged as CONQUERORS. Science met Spirituality… with a tad bit of humour! Life was going on for me, like it does for most twenty something year olds. I grew up as the youngest and most...
Stolen Years: Learning How to Fight Lewy Body Dementia
A month before my grandfather William passed away, I sat beside him in the hospital, pushing a roll of uneaten sushi around a plastic plate. The rest of my family had gone in search of coffee while I remained behind, an increasingly regretful volunteer. My appetite...
Struggle for Peace
It’s been quite some time since I’ve written my blog. Part of the reason is that things have been pretty much status quo with Dave’s health. There hasn’t been a significant change that has inspired me to write. I noticed that I didn’t write a single blog post in all...
5 Ways to Restore Your Sense of Emotional Safety During the Coronavirus Crisis
As the spread of the coronavirus threatens our physical health, it is also becoming a real threat to our mental health. As Americans, it is not our norm to see our grocery store shelves empty and to be quarantined and unable to gather in large groups. When we...
Health, Hope and Hospice
“The word “hospice” comes from the Latin “hospitium” meaning guesthouse. It was originally described a place of shelter for weary and sick travelers returning from religious pilgrimages. During the 1960’s, Dr. Cicely Saunders began the...
Creating a Plan: Caregiving for Loved Ones During COVID-19
If you’re a caregiver that’s creating a backup plan, take a look at these key points.
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