Q: my father has been undergoing cancer treatments, making my dependency on my friends ever-more urgent and emphasized. Is it better to just not expect anything of anyone ever? Am I overreacting to some of my friend group’s lack of effort to be there for me in my time of need, or do I need to start cutting them out of my life so I am not hurt by them not “showing up” for me anymore?

Sincerely,

The Least Important Friend

A: I know it’s hard to deal with weak-sauce friends when you’re going through something as terrible as a dad with cancer. After my dad died when I was 25, I had many dark nights of the soul over the impoverished state of my friendships. A few friends called me and sent flowers. A lot of other friends didn’t do shit and seemed to avoid me when I returned to town. I started to define my absent friends as shitty friends. Then I started to think of ALL of my friends as shitty friends. I started to view people in general as disappointing and selfish. And I started to define myself as The Least Important Friend.

You can do whatever the fuck you want. And when you do what you want, you’ll be more accepting when other people do what they want.

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