Life After Caregiving
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Writing our life after care work
Widow’s Peak
She said she had something to tell me but that she was afraid. I reached for her trembling hand, telling her sweetly, naïvely, that it would be okay, whatever it was, that we would be okay. She said she’d had leukemia and had thought it was in remission, but it was...
Making Your Workplace Safe for Grief
Grief doesn’t just come with sadness and loss. Grief can also come fully-loaded with guilt, anger, uncertainty, denial, regret, and so much more. Yet many companies lack norms or policies for dealing with grief — or “bereavement,” in HR-speak. Those that do have...
At 82, My Grandmother Has Lost Her Husband — And The World As She Knows It
The disarray and social upheaval caused by the virus took a life event that’s already fraught for most — the final days of a spouse — and made it unbearable for my Bà She is still grieving. Even though Bà has moved in with my parents, trading in the familiar hub of...
How to Deal with a Career Gap Due to Caregiving
No one expects that at some point in your life you’ll have to pause your career to take care of someone. However, it happens more often than you might think. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, during the past year, more than 65 million Americans which...
What I never knew about my mother
Soon we will mark the five year anniversary of my mother’s death. Soon it will be five years since I became the primary caregiver of my loving and fabulous brother Paul, a 47-year old man with Down syndrome. In this time, I have grieved my mother twice. I have grieved...
10 Rules We Can Learn From Aging Parents Now
We watch elderly parents make choices we swear we would NEVER do. Yet so many of our aging loved ones make the exact same decisions! Despite being a psychologist for 20 years, I am convinced that if I don’t write these rules down I will too one day forget what I have...
One month — no schedule, no internet, no electricity
Annabelle moved home for the last few weeks before her mother died of cancer. She focused on the details, while her brother took care of a lot of the emotional labor that Annabelle wasn't capable of. During and after her mom's illness, she threw herself into work....
The Surviving Spouse’s Guide to Surviving a Hallmark Holiday
This will be my second Valentine’s Day without Tim, my love of 12 years. Red jelly hearts cling to a window framing the fringed mid-February landscape. The heart-shaped décor that adorns supermarket entrances and doctor’s waiting rooms are a reminder of the heart...
Coping with Cancer Caregiver PSTD
Coming down from taking care of someone with cancer is like an addict going cold turkey. Every day I took care of Dan, we followed the same unbearable routine; the last weeks were especially traumatic for me. It's been three years since his death, and I think I am...
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