I was so worried: How would Marsha be without my daily visits? What if she became depressed and agitated during my absence? Would she somehow think I'd abandoned her? Marsha's nurse practitioner and the staff at the house where she lives all told me to go – that I...
Complete caregiver stories archive
This page has all of our stories arranged by publication date. If you’d like to navigate our library by category, visit our main library page.
When the Neighbors Are All Older, Too
Though surveys repeatedly show that most older people prefer to remain in their own homes as they age, about 800,000 were in assisted living last year, according to LeadingAge, which represents nonprofit aging services providers. An additional 745,000 lived in...
Cleaning Instructions
I can’t. I can’t do this anymore, I say to myself, my mantra, my cantra, the same thing I said when he first needed a wheelchair, when he first became incontinent. When we married, I was thirty-six and Jerry, a vital, seemingly healthy fifty-two. Before our first...
How to pay off your emotional debt
We are able to buffer intensely stressful experiences by repressing our emotions in the moment (sometimes subconsciously). We save “feeling our feelings” for a later point when we’re more equipped to deal with them. But if we never unpack what’s there, we can...
How to talk to a loved one about their health
To tactfully broach conversations about a loved one’s physical and mental health, experts recommend affirming their autonomy, validating their hesitancy with the health care system, and avoiding shame and blame. While we can’t change others’ behavior, we can encourage...
Facing Financial Ruin as Costs Soar for Elder Care
The prospect of dying broke looms as an imminent threat for the boomer generation, which vastly expanded the middle class and looked hopefully toward a comfortable retirement on the backbone of 401(k)s and pensions. Roughly 10,000 of them will turn 65 every day until...
The Only People Who Understand What a Caregiver Goes Through
“I remembered how absolutely terrified I was at the beginning,” said Susan Jewett, 76, who first proposed the mentoring idea to Penn Memory after her husband’s death in 2020. Her pitch: “Maybe I could be useful to someone who is earlier in the process.” Mentoring can...
The quiet rage of caregivers
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which calls caregivers the “backbone” of long-term home care in the United States, has warned that caregivers face many risks — anxiety and depression, chronic health conditions and financial strain, to name just a few....
Keep Calm and Don’t Unplug
"In facing a dearth of accessible, safe, and inclusive mental health support systems, many LGBTQ+ people have created our own. This has been true throughout the history of the human race, but the ubiquitous technology of the 21st century makes it easier to build...
Learning more about who is providing unpaid care
How race, ethnicity, sex, gender and age relate to the health and wellbeing of unpaid caregivers is the focus of a new nationwide online survey being conducted by a researcher at the University of Toronto. ... She said the decision to launch this study came after she...
Elderly and imprisoned
"Efforts to reduce the aging prison population are driven not solely by compassion but also by the tremendous cost of incarcerating older people. Residents do not qualify for Medicaid, leaving the state responsible for all care expenses. Older residents are more...
My Parents Got Sick. It Changed How I Thought About My Marriage
Love is never what I think it will be. It's small but spreads wide, surprising me with its contours, its unfamiliarity, its unhurried rhythms. I don't know how I arrived at the conclusion that families are zero-sum. I never interrogated the apocryphal notion that my...
How to Manage Your Expectations as a Caregiver
As much as she loved her 83-year-old father, 57-year-old Ginny did not love being his primary caregiver during his slow decline from Parkinson’s disease. She found it emotionally draining to try to soothe his frustration whenever he could not control his movements....
I never had children – so I look after seniors instead
I never had children. I look after seniors instead. I didn’t plan it this way; life just happened. After losing both of my parents, I’ve adopted the role as a nomadic, companion/caregiver for many of my aunts, uncles and a host of friends over 70. I adore their...
Queer Millennials Are Becoming Family Caregivers. We Aren’t Ready
"When my grandpa began to fade, I didn’t realize that I would be the one who’d fracture. Nor did I realize how precipitously someone can slip away. Not long ago, my 97 year-old grandfather, a decorated World War II veteran, was living a proudly autonomous life. But...
The caregiving trouble with siblings
Vanishing Sibling Syndrome or V.S.S. It is probably NOT something a lot of people talk about when it comes time to plan for eldercare of a loved one. However… Picture this: you have a mother or father who raised two, three, four or more kids. So you might think that...
Losing a Parent in Your 20s, What I Wish I’d Known.
From diagnosis to death, my dad’s journey was a callously swift nine months. A strange lump in his thigh turned out to be osteosarcoma, which then became the subject of aggressive chemotherapy and then - after metastasizing and spreading to his lungs - became...
Beginner’s Guide: Launching a Working Family Caregiver Employee Resource Group
Caregiving doesn’t just happen during the work hours. In fact, as a sandwich-generation working family caregiver, I often had to use my time off for care, leave work unexpectedly, and make calls during the workday. Sometimes, my head wasn’t completely wrapped around...
For Disabled Couples, a Plea for Marriage Equality
On Wednesday afternoon, 20 couples gathered in front of a stage at the National Mall in Washington to recite their commitment vows. Some brides had on white gowns while grooms wore top hats. Others donned orange T-shirts printed with the words “Disability Rights Are...
The High-Wire Act of Caregiving and Saving for Retirement
Tara Driver would love to retire before age 70. But it’s not going to be easy. The 51-year-old’s finances are still recovering from the hit they took more than a decade ago, after she spent about eight years caring for her ailing father. During that time, every extra...
How Do I Support My Partner When They’re Depressed?
"Sometimes, supporting your partner goes beyond trying to immediately “fix” their problems. Instead, reflecting on why you want to help, evaluating if you have the capacity and knowledge to do so, and asking how they actually want to be shown support can all be ways...
You Shouldn’t Have to Take Care of Your Aging Parents on Your Own
"For most older Americans, care will come from unpaid family members or friends, who contributed around $600 billion worth of free labor to the economy in 2021, according to AARP. That care is not, of course, free for those providing it. Dwane Hodges is a 62-year-old...
A Huge Threat to the U.S. Budget Has Receded. And No One Is Sure Why.
Something strange has been happening in this giant federal program. Instead of growing and growing, as it always had before, spending per Medicare beneficiary has nearly leveled off over more than a decade. The trend can be a little hard to see because, as baby...
The Magic of the Granny Flat
Since around 2010, the city has been encouraging the development of such accessory dwelling units, or A.D.U.s — modest living spaces (800 square feet, tops) that share property with a main house. A.D.U.s, whether stand-alone or connected to the main house, are being...