Years ago, when I became my mother’s caregiver, I didn’t realize it would be a learning experience. My mother suffered a series of mini strokes that damaged her mind. Her doctor didn’t test her for Alzheimer’s disease because, as he noted, “We already know the results.” I researched mini strokes and memory disease. During the nine years I was my mother’s caregiver I learned more about her as a person, her approach to life, and her courage.

In 2007 I became a caregiver again when my twin grandchildren’s parents died from the injuries they received in separate car crashes. Having teenagers in the house again brought new energy to my life. I also learned from my grandchildren, things like the latest teen jargon, teenage interests, and food preferences.

I thought life would calm down after raising my grandkids for seven years. It didn’t. In 2013 my husband’s aorta split and he had three emergency operations. He suffered a spinal stroke during the third operation and it paralyzed his legs. I became his primary caregiver and it’s been a learning experience.

I’m learning family history.

My husband has been reminiscing and he tells family stories. One story is about his father, who was on a train during a snow storm. The drifts were so high they stopped the train and passengers were stranded for several days. When passengers heard that Dad was a doctor, they started coming to him. A snow plow finally reached the train, and drove over the roofs of the cars. Stories like these reinforce family structure and values.

I’m learning new coping skills.

Since I’m a grandmother I already have coping skills, but being a family caregiver has led to the development of new ones. Although I was always someone who planned ahead, I know I must make detailed plans for my husband’s care, and track these plans carefully. The importance of a daily routine is also something I learned, and I “tweak” the routine as needed.

I’m learning about my husband’s courage.

Doctors didn’t think he would walk again, but my husband is a miracle in the making. First, his therapists taught him to stand. Then they taught him to stand and pivot. And then they taught him to take a few steps with a walker. Today, he can walk the width of our townhome twice. One physical therapist said my husband’s determination had a lot to do with his progress.

I’m learning about life.

Being my husband’s caregiver has made me appreciate the little things in life more, things like watching television with my husband, discussing a newspaper article, and laughing together. At this age and stage of life, I’ve learned that the little things are really big things, moments we string together like the beads of a necklace.

Although caregiving is challenging and tiring, you may learn from your loved one. The most important thing you learn, and re-learn each day, is that caregiving is love in action. Thank you for your loving care.