How much of yourself do you have to give to your partner in support, and what is the true cost if you forget yourself in the process? The fact of the matter is this: Living with a spouse with depression isn’t impossible, but the question of how to support someone with depression without jeopardizing other bonds is complicated.

“If you have a really supportive, caring husband who is doing a lot more with the kids, and a lot for his wife, he may neglect himself,” explains David Schrecker, a practicing psychiatrist who knows from experience that this is an untenable situation. Husbands whose wives have been diagnosed with depression, he says, should still strive to make themselves happy. Relationships shouldn’t center on illness or distress. Also, the consequences of not doing so can be drastic.

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