How do you deal with regrets?
how caregivers deal with regrets


Tell myself I did the very best I could with what I had at the time and specific instances where I didn’t handle things well I said sorry while Mum was with me and since she’s passed I’ve repeated those apologies and reminded myself we loved each other till the end and that’s all that matters now.

We can’t change what’s gone. We can only learn and remember we’re human. Just important to acknowledge the mistakes that they were worthy of better and we are sorry we didn’t reach that bar. – VM

I try to realize what I did to cause the regret & not repeat it if at all possible. I also apologize when it’s necessary. Becoming a caregiver is a big challenge for a lot of us, but I’ve done my very best so I just roll with the punches now! I also put it in God’s hands & he has guided me through some really rough patches. – PW

Having a tough time with regrets after losing my 31 year old daughter recently after caring for her since birth. For a parent, there are never enough days when your child dies before you. I regret that I couldn’t do more and I regret that I couldn’t save her. – JW

The words of the ‘ Our Father’ and it’s meaning really hit me after I lost my Dad when I was 25 suddenly ‘Thy will be done’ … That that’s the essence of faith that we must accept what we can’t understand and have faith that someone greater knows the why of it. If you’re not religious I apologize for any offense but it was the only thing that helped me accept. I hope you find your way that saving others is not in our remit no matter how desperately we wish we had that power. I also shouted at God a lot at that time because I know he understands anger and grief. – VM

EMDR. After my mother died, though. I was too busy handling daily caregiving to even acknowledge regret. Except one. Once, fairly early on in the caregiving journey and had not yet learned enough, I was short with my mother when she was repeating herself. I apologized immediately but I was very remorseful for about an hour until I realized she would have completely forgotten about it five minutes after it happened. I made the decision to be more careful and not only did I no longer feel bad, but it also never happened again. – PV

I have a room in my head, it looks like the attic in the movie Jumanji. There’s a metal, ornate trunk in this happy place, that’s locked, and I’ve forgotten where the key is hidden. All the regrets, the mistakes, the wrong turns, the consequences…it’s all in there. – JO

I have lots of regrets starting from age 16 on I’ve been takung care of my son for 15 years by myself no break 24-7 I love him very much and that is not a regret but would love to just go somewhere and kick up my heals just to let it all out being a caregiver 24 hours a day is very stressful I have family but seems they just go on with their life and don’t come and say “ya want to take a break go ahead I’ll stay ” heartbreaking thats it. – CP

I put the stick down and quit beating myself up.

Commit to learning from mistakes.

Embrace my human tendency to not getting it right even when I did my best.

Understand I did the best I could at the time given the information I had.

Ditched anyone in my life that I could not consider a fan in my cheering section. – KW

Not sure you can actually deal with regrets. Other than pray you don’t make the same mistake plus look at what you did wrong. Was it really a mistake or good for the person. Then it’s the guilt feeling that you have to overcome. But knowing it was not done in anger we should have. I regrets. – BG

I did what I thought was the best, needed to realize I can’t control everything, somethings are meant to be. – MM

Ask for forgiveness, learn from it, try to make amends if possible, forgive others and myself and remember the successes far outweigh the mistakes. I do what I can to have a clear conscience, and then move forward. – LD

Let them move through me, but we can’t move forward with regrets. Statements like “it is what it is” and “I know what to do now” work to be more positive and move on. – JG

We are all human. No one is perfect, we were made unable to be perfect. Just do the best that you can and know you did you’re best. You can’t do better than that. – EC

Concentrate and what I regret, give into it for a bit, pray over it and hand it over to God. God is bigger than any regret I may have. – CB

Either quit or move on. Everyone has regrets. EVERYONE. Life isn’t always easy. I was probably suppose to have been dead 31 years ago. I have a lot of regrets, but living in the past don’t help. – LK

I think in general I try to do everything in my bucket list so I do not and will not have regrets wishing I had done something when I am much older. – KD

My thoughts are that I can’t have them.

I did my best and I loved more than enough. It’s cruel to beat ourselves up when we did what we could. – MB

I keep wondering if I did enough… knowing my dad, he would not want me to think this way. – DZ

Most of the regrets are about not knowing that our life would be Parkinson’s for my husband who began this journey when he was 48, regret that we did not have a retirement. However it is what it is and I give God the glory for giving me the ability to handle most things and for having a sweet husband. – DG

With chocolate ice cream, while pondering what is really irking me to feel it. – BS

Work daily saying a mantra that I release them- might work one year. – PM

Knowing that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes especially under that kind of pressure. – KD

Regrets is always in the end…But nobody knows till we get the time that we feel down for wrong decision or we done something wrong. For me, even at home or work and making decision i sometimes made a mistake not by meant but it happened of course were only human and not perfect. what we do is to think many times and make it slow before we speak and do the action. As a caregiver i wanted to be calm or relax anytime and see to it that i can give the best care for my clients like what i did to my own family. Its not about the money its all about gratitude and effort to help your client as well as your colleague to finish all the task well. I use to say sorry if i done wrong and tell to my senior or manager if I’m wrong pls tell me and teach me the right way. Its better to ask & seek help rather than to pretend that u know what your doing? Its always in my mind that i cared people their health and safety is in my hands. So i need to be careful and aware. – YZ

Written by Michelle Daly

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  1. Telling myself I did the best I could, under extraordinary circumstances. There is no such thing as a perfect caregiver=some regrets.

  2. learn from it and Move on

  3. Shed some tears and hope I learn from my mistakes.

  4. If I were to regret all of what I have no been able to do I would not have time to do what I have to do. So I have no time for regrets, it is what it is.

  5. I have to make peace with my regrets now…I’m going to have my hands full at the end of all this…that letting regrets get in the way will not help me move forward into what will be my new way of life!


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