I’m tired of feeling bad for letting things get under my skin.

Yes, they mean well. But their intention doesn’t change how frustrating it can be.

My mother is recovering from surgery and it’s sweet to see everyone rally around her. All the phone calls, the flowers, the meals delivered, the visits really cheer her up. It’s good to see her happy. It’s good to see how much people care about her and want to support her.

But they’re also driving me mad.

They keep wishing her a full recovery, asking me when she’ll be better, acting like she’s not terminally ill.

Don’t give up!

You’ll beat this!

You’ll be back to normal in no time!

She’s not going to have a full recovery. She’s going to, best case scenario, be comfortable for a few months or a year or maybe two if we’re lucky.

I know they want to be hopeful. My mom wants to be hopeful, too.

But why does hope have to be delusion? Why can’t we hope for something realistic, something we can actually have.

No one escapes death. It’ll come now or it’ll come later. None of us make it out of life alive. It’s part of this whole beautiful, crazy experience we have. Why deny that?

Accepting reality is not denial.

I am not holding out hope for a miraculous recovery. I am hoping for a meaningful time with my mother while she’s here with me. I’m hoping for connection and beauty and enjoying what we have.

I can have those things. We can all have those things. Why do we need to lie to ourselves?


Written by Guest Author
The Caregiver Space accepts contributions from experts for The Caregiver's Toolbox and provides a platform for all caregivers in Caregiver Stories. Please read our author guidelines for more information and use our contact form to submit guest articles.

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  1. Reality is so malleable. Happiness and peace of mind are so important for all of us. We do not have to live with the spectre of death hanging over us. Live each moment to the fullest and encourage your loved one to do the same. God has the final say soon enough❤

  2. Having hope is a good thing .. we know the reality of it all to well .. my hubby enjoyed any kind of get well or any kind words ..one friend came to the hospital ,herself in a wheel chair from foot surgery ..
    She made huge flowers that said “get well soon “ and taped them to the hospital walls .. Rick loved it .. I did too..
    we are all just trying to reach out to each other how ever we can ..
    God Bless us all


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