I stopped buying into the veneer of toxic positivity once I became the primary caregiver to my mother who has dementia and several chronic physical health conditions. I think only other caregivers know the special hell that can be our lives. Typical work days get punctuated with calls from doctor’s offices and your loved one. Sometimes you have to abandon work completely to go address a problem. Weekends drain away rapidly with a list of errands to run. Trying to balance all the other facets of your life with caregiving is like playing a never ending game of Tetris. There is always another crisis to manage — a trip to the emergency room, a distressed loved one needing you to help de-escalate them, a reaction to a new medication. Somehow the minutes of the day tick away and you are left lying in bed, wide awake, anxious about all the things you still need to do.

“Good vibes only” sounds pretty idiotic now, doesn’t it? It’s like telling someone to be happy that they’re not drowning when they are just keeping their head above water.

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