In November of 2020, my beloved husband died. His death brought 23 years of caregiving to an end. I cared for three generations of family members, my mother, who had vascular dementia, my twin grandchildren, whose parents died from the injuries they received in...
The circle is one of the oldest shapes in human history. Drawing circles must be instinctive because every culture has them. I envision caregiving as a circle because sometimes I keep running around and accomplishing little. My caregiving circles change with the day...
This is my 23rd year in the caregiving trenches. Because I’ve cared for three generations of family members, I know the drill: medication management, making medical appointments, going to appointments, doing laundry daily, finding clothes that fit, activities...
I’ve cared for three generations of family members, my mother, my twin grandchildren, and my husband. This is my 23rd year in the caregiving trenches. If you’re a long-time caregiver like me, you’ve probably heard many “you should” statements. Often this advice comes...
In 2013 the connection between my husband’s Dacron descending aorta and his real aorta failed. John was bleeding to death. Surgeons operated on him three times in a desperate attempt to staunch blood loss. During the last operation—13 hours and four surgeons—he...
I have a caregiving support system. Yes ___ No ___ It includes family, friends, and spiritual/religious support. Yes ___ No ___ Paid caregivers are part of my support system. Yes ___ No ___ Family members are part of my support system. Yes ___...
In 2013 the connection between my husband’s Dacron descending aorta and the real aorta failed. His health care team kept giving him transfusions but couldn’t keep pace with the blood loss. John was bleeding to death. He had three emergency operations and, during the...
When you become a caregiver, the care recipient’s needs become part of your life. If you’re not careful, their needs can take over your life. This is my 21st year of caregiving—nine years with my mother, seven years with my orphaned twin grandchildren, and five years...
I’m not a nurse, but some days I feel like I’m earning a nursing degree on the job. Becoming my disabled husband’s caregiver required lots of learning. I had to learn sanitary technique, how to assist with self-catheterization, how to lift without hurting my back, how...
“Take care of yourself.” I’ve heard this advice more times than I can count and try to follow it. After being diagnosed with stage one endometrial (uterine) cancer and having a hysterectomy, I follow this advice religiously. For about three months I had been feeling...
After my husband’s aorta dissected in 2013 I built a wheelchair-accessible townhome for us. Living there hinged upon my health. If my health started to fail we would have to move, a worrisome thought. My husband and I hoped to stay in our townhome for years. Then I...
For more than a year, I kept a caregiving happiness jar. At the end of my caregiving day, I wrote a note about something good that happened, and put it in a jar. Every so often, I withdrew random notes from the jar, and read them. The notes were revealing. First, the...
I am my disabled husband’s caregiver. While he was hospitalized for eight months, I moved us out of the home we had lived in for 20+ years, and built a wheelchair-accessible townhome. Although the home is well-designed, and has wide hallways, there isn’t room for a...
Maybe it’s a Midwestern custom, but friends keep asking me if I had a good summer. Every time I’m asked this question I want to groan. I’m my disabled husband’s primary caregiver and, for us, summer is like any other season of the year. There are no changes from our...
In 2013 my husband’s aorta dissected. He had three emergency operations and, during the third one, suffered a spinal cord injury that paralyzed his legs. The night I drove him to the hospital I became his primary caregiver and advocate. After being hospitalized for...
Both my husband and I have British heritage, and we love lamb chops. Although the price of lamb has increased markedly, we were willing to pay it. So I went to the butcher shop and bought four thick chops. When I returned home, I put them in the freezer for another...
My mother was getting forgetful and I was worried sick about her. On the phone, my mother’s conversation was confused and fragmented. Finally, I flew to Florida to assess her physical and mental health. One morning my mother said she wasn’t feeling well. She walked...
Caregiving can be so demanding that we lose track of our feelings. When my husband was dismissed to my care after eight months of hospitalization, I felt a dizzying array of feelings. Of course I was elated to have him home, but I was scared too, and wondered if I had...
This has been a stressful month. My disabled husband developed a horrendous rash, which he described as being attacked by ants. I had three infections and injured my back while lifting him. A manuscript I’d been working on disappeared from my computer, and back-up...
Being a family caregiver is stressful. Unless action is taken, stress will continue to build. Family members, even the loved one you’re caring for, may not understand your stress. Some family members may think you’re exaggerating. What’s all the fuss about? “I’m not...
“The 10th anniversary of Helen’s death is coming up,” I told my husband. “I think we should do something significant—write a large check to the food bank or the public library.” John nodded his head in agreement. Helen died from the injuries she received in a car...
You’re a family caregiver and need outside help. These days, most large and mid-size towns have caregiving agencies. Before you sign with an agency do your research. Keep in mind that it can you weeks to adapt to a paid caregiver. That’s because you are creating a...
Every morning a paid caregiver comes to our home to help get my disabled husband up for the day. Although caregivers can change, one caregiver comes most often, and we love her. “What are you doing today?” she asked as she walked in the door. “Nothing,” I answered. A...
Have you ever sat in a waiting room, stared at a picture, and realized it drove you nuts? Our loved ones may feel the same way if they don’t like the artwork in their home or room. Some artwork is actually upsetting. We can make loved ones feel at home by paying...