The tradition of keeping everything in the family is an amiable labor of love, but it is making our Spanish speaking caregivers In America ill. Familism is affecting our Latinx caregiver’s mental and physical health negatively. “ Familism refers to the value of the...
Dementia is like a thief, Victims are robbed, that is true Like a ship that strikes the reef, And steals captain and the crew. You may not remember me, but I still remember you! Dementia is like a thorn, Florists know its painful stab While a rose stem leaves me torn,...
This day came, and I went into the ALS Clinic on my own. The one time I did. I went to spend a couple of hours being instructed on dealing with a feeding tube. The success of the feeding tube, and staying at home—the ultimate carrot—was dependent on my learning to...
As the summer comes to a close and the school year revs up, one category of caregivers faces unique challenges: Caregivers with Children. Are you a caregiver sandwich? Caring for both an ailing parent and your children puts you smack in the middle! While the school...
‘Sometimes it’s hard to know if we should be friends with so many cancer patients. We get to know them so well from support groups and treatments and cancer groups.’ He rubbed his beard, squeezing tightly when he reached his chin. It was unexpected coming from him....
In 2014, I had just gotten remarried. The future looked so bright. Rewind several years before that and my life had fallen apart. Everything that I had built up came crashing down when I went through a painful divorce. But through a lot of work and with faith, I...
Standing at the door to my bedroom, my father stood in his dark blue suit tapping his foot while staring at his sixteen-year-old daughter. “Jackie, hurry up. We’re going to be late,” he ordered. In the Madden family, punctuality was right up there with perfect manners...
It’s a scary world sometimes. We’re always hearing about disasters in the news. Tornadoes, hurricanes and wildfires can displace thousands of people from their homes and cause millions of dollars in property damage. These events are difficult under the best of...
Earlier this year, my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer and was told she had only a few months left to live. When she found out that she had a limited time to put things in order, most of us didn’t know how to react. Of course, we were all...
The priest boomed, “Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?” And, I joyously whispered, “I do!” This is a version of the words so many of us promised on our wedding day as we...
As a former caretaker, The Joker movie hit me in a raw way. I think the movie accurately portrays how society mistreats the poor and people with serious mental illness (SMI). I saw this, firsthand, in trying to help and take care of my mom, who struggled with...
A "narc" is someone who informs on another person to the authorities, and you may feel like a "narc" when you report your aging parent's difficulties to a doctor or other health care provider. Sometimes it is important for you to share this information, though, and we...
On a gray, rainy Monday afternoon, as I sat with my mom in a consultation appointment with her new surgeon, the definitions of two words came to life for me in a new way, offering a glimmer of hope during a cloudy season. When I heard my mom, who has been my...
Do a simple search and you will come up with a plethora of articles, books, and podcasts on the challenges of caregiving, the importance of self-care, and a laundry list of everything one “gives up” in order to take care of another person. And there is a lot of truth...
There is a song we often sing in my community ‘Be gentle with yourself, my friend, my friend/ Be gentle with yourself my friend’ My father has been an alcoholic absentee parent for most of my life but I have always denied any lack of ‘normalcy’ in my life. I have, in...
I like to think that when I’m not in the middle of a panic-inducing week (or month, or year) I’m a fun person to hang out with. I have been blessed with friends, coworkers, neighbors, and family members who want to hang out with us. We enjoy a good time and good food...
My sketches were always faint lines in pencil. I loved sketching trees in a wide diversity of their structures. Their trunks solid, firmly rooted with the most beautiful textured surfaces which my pencil would try to recreate on paper. Close hatches, very tight...
Reader’s Digest used to tell us each month that “laughter is the best medicine.” Drawing on folk wisdom, the Digest was reminding us that laughter could help us through the ordinary, daily unhappiness that might come into our lives. In 1976, Norman Cousins, the...
Some deaths Are like the slamming of a door. Sudden. Complete. You are either On one side of the door, Or the other, With no contact between. But dementia isn’t like that. It is simultaneously more gentle, And more cruel. Not one, complete, total, goodbye. Instead...
When my mom moving into a nursing home last year, I was terrified. I was leaving her in the hands of people I didn’t know, who she didn’t know, and who didn’t know her. Scary stuff. Sure, the team wanted to know what she likes and what kind of care she needed, but...
Guilt. Stress. Exhaustion. Anger. Sadness. We read these cries for help - these pleas for release - in blogs for caregivers whose spouses have incurable illnesses. We hear these cries loud and clear in our face-to-face support groups as we commiserate, sooth and...
Moving out of a home and seeing that empty space where you used to always has a sad, beautiful quality to it. This is the house in LA where my dad grew up. In the backyard is where my parents got married. After living away for decades, my dad moved back into that...
When I talk to someone whose life revolves around an addict, their lives feel familiar to me. We are beholden to someone else's moods. We tiptoe around, catering to someone else's whims, so as to not upset them and deal with the repercussions. We beg and cajole and...
Traveling with your family and friends can be a truly fantastic experience. However, it also calls for some caution and planning ahead if there’s a senior in your group. Here, we are going to take a look at some steps you can take to make sure your trips with a senior...